at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
