I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
