i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
