So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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