I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
