goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
