instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I will pee on everything he values.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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