Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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