Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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