Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i think i just lost a toe
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
