You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
