I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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