Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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