so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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