I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize