He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
