you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
