he wants to bone in the snuggie
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize