Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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