The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
