And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
