Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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