Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
