why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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