I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
