My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize