i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
