I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
