I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
