Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
