Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
