After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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