I want to have your abortion
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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