So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
