dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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