What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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