Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
