Sry I called you an 8
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
