Sponge bath it is.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im holly from the hills drunk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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