They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
