Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
