I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
