By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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