Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
