In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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