it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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