i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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