When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
