is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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