we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My vagina is officially offended.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
