New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
