It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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