She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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