I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Duck Duck Cougar?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
