i would punch a child for taco bell
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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