We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize