this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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