can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
