You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize