Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
