dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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