Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It was confusing and full of hummus
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
