Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
