just tell him i said nine months
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
