Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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