I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
