so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
