Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
