I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize