From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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