She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
