You were right. It hurts to walk today.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
