....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
