I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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