ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
