Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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