Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
