eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
